Top 20 Things Men Should Never, Ever, Do: Just Don’t Do It
Here are top 20 things men should never, ever, do — Just don’t do it
- Do not wear tight jeans that shape your package… We are okay with playing the guessing game. Really.
- Never compare your girlfriend to your ex
- Never give yourself a haircut, barber shops are there to do just that.
- Never compete for the mirror, they are simply for women.
- Mama’s boys, leave your mom at home. Stop talking about her, comparing every girl to her, and expecting her to do everything for you, especially when you moved out of the house.
- Its rude to stare at other women in the presence of your lady. Keep your eyes on your woman. She’s there for a reason. Nxa!
- Do NOT, ever, hit or abuse a woman, it’s down right disrespectful, and it does not make you powerful. In fact it just shows how weak you are.
- Do not eat ice-cream in public, it just looks wrong!
- Do not grow your pinky nail, no no no!
- Do not ever. ever. ever. fart during sex
- Do not wear a gold chain with a suit, or go to the dentist and ask them to put gold teeth in your mouth. It looks errrrgly!
- Formal pants with sandals or takkies is not a fashion statement, people please.
- The phone tucked under your belt is not ayoba, there are better places to keep your phone. Try using your pockets.
- Do not wear shades at night, in the mall or on your forehead.
- Curly hair come on! Your woman can’t be gelling your hair.
- Over-sporting your car is not cool, less is more.
- Never say you are almost there when you bloody well know that you are far from near. If you haven’t left yet, then just say it. We have to wait the same amount of time anyway.
- Do not lie, women can handle it the truth!
- Never trivialize a serious issue.
- Never sit still while a pregnant woman stands in a bus.
Dating Advice for Men
Men, Beware! Avoid Dating These Five Women at all Costs
You can always spot a crazy woman a mile away. I mean, they always stand out. Please avoid dating this women…
Men… Avoid Dating Undomesticated women
But judging from the state of my brother’s love life, and all those poor men out there who are married or dating one of these types, I have come up with a list with the hope that it will save some men from the agony of dating such women.
Top on my list are lazy and undomesticated women. These ones can’t do the basics such as cooking a simple thing such as tea to save their lives. Differently put, they are clueless on the domestic front. So clueless that they are not in a position to supervise their own house helps.
How can you supervise what you do not know? And don’t get me started on laziness, it’s the worst attribute a woman can possess.
Men… Avoid Dating ‘Miss I-am-looking-for-a-man-to-save-my-life’.
These types are needy. She wants someone to save her from virtually everything. She suffers from mood swings. She’s always sulking. She’s such an irritant.
She wants this, she wants that. If it’s not her, it’s her brother, sister, parents and anybody related to her.
Look, woman, Jesus died for all of us. Your neediness could be what keeps men away from you. And you are wondering why you are still single at 35, with no man hovering around?
Men… Avoid Dating Miss Gold Digger.
She sees a man and immediately she wants nothing but money. This type of woman expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is a woman. Doesn’t want to look for a job. All she does is bum around. To her, men were put on this earth to be her personal walking and talking bank accounts.
Men… Avoid Dating Daddy’s little princess
Then we have daddy’s little princess. A woman who was spoiled by her dad. She has expensive taste and expects only the best like her daddy provided.
1. 25 Sexual Questions to Ask A Girl.
2. Things Girls Wants But Wont Ask For
3. 20 Things Women Should Never, Do.
4. Top 20 Things Men Should Never, Do.
5. 60 Really Sweet Things To Say To A Girl.
6. 25 Romantic Ideas to Make Your Lover Melt!
7. Things Women in Relationships Must Not Do.
8. 10 Things that are Killing Your Kidneys.
She uses her father as a yardstick to examine men she dates. She is an attention seeker. If she even a breaks a nail, she expects you to drop everything you are doing to drive her to the nail salon, immediately.
Men… Avoid Dating Miss Psycho.
She is a drama queen. Insecure, controlling and always a victim. She loves drama and exaggerating everything. The woman who feels the need to call her man 10 times a day or who will sleep with her boyfriend’s best friend and then play victim.
Gentlemen, when you see such women, run for the hills.
10 Reasons Why Men Can’t Handle An Honest Woman
- She is not afraid to tell the truth. Even if it hurts, even if it’s blunt, even if it’s not the most popular opinion, she’ll always tell it like it is and that sometimes rubs men the wrong way.
- She asks the hard questions. The questions that may make people uncomfortable or that are ‘too deep’ for some men or the questions they love to avoid.
- She expects closure and asks for it. An honest woman gives honest answers, even if they’re going to be hard on some people and she expects the same. She’d rather know the truth and get closure instead of being ghosted or left to figure things out on her own.
- She voices her wants in a relationships. She doesn’t shy away from saying what she wants or what’s bothering her. She doesn’t play it safe when it comes to her feelings. She talks about them openly and freely and that scares some men away.
- She believes in real love and runs away from games. An honest woman will not tolerate a shady partner or someone who keeps her guessing, which is why she’s always struggling with ‘modern dating.’
- She’s not afraid to talk about her past. She’s not afraid to talk about private things that happened to her or the things that made her who she is. A lot of men think this means she has ‘baggage’ but the truth is, we all have baggage, an honest woman just doesn’t mind talking about it.
- She’s not going to sugarcoat anything. ESPECIALLY if she cares about you. She’s not going to tell you that you’re her world or you’re her God if she doesn’t really feel it. She’s not the kind of woman to tell you what you want to hear to boost your ego, she’ll just tell you how she truly sees you without exaggerating.
- She’ll call you out when something is off. She’s not going to let go or pretend like nothing happened, she believes in the power of communication and she’s always willing to explain herself as well as intently listen to what others have to say.
- She’ll be honest about her faults too. She doesn’t really hide the fact that she’s not perfect either and will be the first one to point out her faults or her own mistakes, which leaves nothing for men to point out.
- She may be ‘difficult’ but her love is worth it. Because she’s often blunt, people mistake her for being tough, heartless or indifferent but the truth is she’s only honest because she’s real and looking for something real as well. Her love will always be pure, honest and her loyalty is unmatched.
The seven myths about men
Myth number one: all men are hardwired to cheat
My daughter, let’s break down this miffing myth. Man is created – read, hardwired – in God’s image and likeness. Which follows that God is a liar, right? Child, you’re smarter than that. You know better.
You’ve witnessed how I do my marriage thing. That’s not to say dad’s temptation-proof. My daughter, temptations are – when, not if, overcome – the elements that strengthen relationships.
Here’s my belief, baby: all men are, like their Creator, hardwired to love and cherish – not hate and cheat. It’s our unrestrained programming, overriding the Creator’s wiring, which messes up the Master Plan.
Myth number two: all men are dogs
Pop quiz. (a) Precious, have you ever seen pop with fleas? (b) Have you ever seen pop barking or on a leash? (c) Have you ever seen mom taking pop to the vet?
Baby girl, to get things straight, I’ll still return to my foundation. God’s Word. Dogs were spoken to life. Man was fashioned – fearfully and wonderfully – before the Creator breathed life into him … and that includes Snoop Dog.
Child, what you perceive and confess is precisely what you get. If you get into a relationship with this doggone thinking, that’s what’s coming to you; plus a whole load of freaky fleas.
Myth number three: all men are the same
This generalisation may be due to drama a girl’s gone through. Or sick stuff she’s heard through the grapevine. Or seeing a loved one bearing the brunt of a hurtful affair. Still, my daughter, if you buy this myth, you’ll get two items free: lovelessness squared.
Child, read my diary. Dad’s also been hurt by women. Hurt real bad, baby. Heartbreaking experiences didn’t obscure my “woman-view”. I gathered guts to love again, gleaned my lessons and got back in the groove.
My daughter, if you go through a hurting relationship, never let the experience sour future prospects. Take a cue from Maya Angelou: “I did then what I knew how to do; and when I knew better, I did better.”
Myth number four: all men want only one thing
Child, start any relationship with this “prey mentality”, and chances are high you’ll be dodging imaginary landmines all your dating days. Give brothers the benefit of faith. Granted, there are playboys lurking about. Outplay these types by doing the righteous thing.
My daughter, your virtuous stand may seem unpopular. But this isn’t a popularity contest. It’s a litmus test, which has left many girls with sulfuric acid in the face.
God’s got you. Ask Him to lead you to your Boaz, who’s got one agenda: “Giving you prosperity and not disaster … giving you a future full of hope.”
Myth number five: all men are polygamous by nature
That n-word above should be nurture. Which means, “influence that an organism’s environment has on the organism, especially when contrasted with what’s determined genetically or by nature”.
My daughter, the Marriage Bill 2014 isn’t your portion. Amen? Pay scant attention to skewed social commentators. Last word comes from God. What did God predetermine genetically? “A man shall leave his father and mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife.” (Note: not wives).
Besides, baby girl, on this score, I’m your mirror. And I’m everyman.
Myth number six: all men can’t be trusted
Aye. This applies to both sexes … and even to the most domesticated docile pooch. Trust is earned. The only man you should trust, unequivocally, is the Son of Man.
That said, child, you’ll never know what love’s all about until you trust. Really trust. Take the risk. Everything in life’s a risk. By waking up you’re, for instance, risking slipping and falling in the bathroom. Yet you still trust your bathroom floor.
Risk your trust, baby. Fall in love. If you slip, well, next time put a non-slip mat on your floor.
Myth number seven: all the good men have already been taken
My child, if you fall for this line, you’ll miss the blessed brothers who, for divine purposes, cross your path every day. Ask God to give you discernment, so you’ll tell godsend guys from disaster types.
All “good-already-taken-brothers” were, perchance, some other girl’s catch. Which means, sweetie, that “serendipity” should be your buzzword. To paraphrase what they say: you swear you’ve dropped a bad apple, till you enviously see another sister relishing it.
You can also flip the script. If – and that’s a BIG if – all the good ones have already been taken, what remains are the great dudes. It’s all about discernment and decisions, baby.
50 Facts you have never known about men.
1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband’s early films end with a scream and a flush.
4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of “rich” usually cancels out the nice of “bald.”
5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
7. If it’s attention you want, don’t get involved with a man during play-off season.
8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
12. Don’t try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.
13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
14. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow,instead of a gun.
15. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
16. Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.
17. All men hate to hear “We need to talk about our relationship.” These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
18. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
19. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
20. All men think that they’re nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
21. Men don’t get cellulite. God might just be a man.
22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
24. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I’ve never seen a man walk into a party and say “Oh, my God, I’m so embarrassed; get me out of here. There’s another man wearing a black tuxedo.”
25. Most men hate to shop. That’s why the men’s department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
27. If you’re dating a man who you think might be “Mr. Right,” if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.
28. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders’ outfits get tighter and briefer, and players’ shorts get baggier and longer.
29. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
33. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
34. Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?” Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?”
35. If a man says, “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t, he didn’t forget…he didn’t lose your number…he didn’t die. He just didn’t want to call you.
36. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, “Are we going to have sex again?” He said, “Yes, but not with each other.”
37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.
38. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you…I want to marry you…I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skid marks.
39. Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: “Mitch, you look great.” Mitch: “Thanks.” On the other side: “Ruth, you look great.” Ruth: “I do? Must be the lighting.”
40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.
41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
42. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she’s wearing a jumpsuit.
43. Men don’t feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women’s dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
46. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
47. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
48. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.
49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
50. All men would still really like to own a train set.
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Story
This was written by a guy… it’s pretty damn smart.
Women— Please have a sense of humor!
I never quite figured out why the urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
I had to look for a place to sleep….
THE POWER OF MEN – Let The Guys Read It And Ladies Too Coz Its True
If he calls you and your phone is off, he thinks you’re cheating….then he sends a sms saying “don’t tell me the battery story coz I know that line”
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are TOO IN LOVE, moving too fast;
If u Don’t, he says u are PROUD .
If u DRESS NICELY, he says u are trying to LURE other men;
If u DON?T, he says u are RURAL.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN, too manly;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS, a walkover
If u are SMARTER than him, you’re a SHOW-OFF;
If he’s SMARTER than u, he is GREAT.
If u don’t LOVE him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u LOVE him, He takes you FOR GRANTED. (very true huh?)
If u don’t MAKE LOVE to him, he says u DON?T LOVE him;
If u DO, he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEMS, he says u are TROUBLE;
If u DON?T, he says u don’t TRUST him.
If u SCOLD at him, u are treating him like a CHILD;
If he SCOLDS at u, it’s because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your promise, u cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, it is circumstances beyond his CONTROL.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.
If u do WELL in your career, it’s LUCK ;
If he does WELL, it’s definitely BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS you, you are too SENSITIVE !!
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET IT RIGHT????????
LET THE GUYS READ IT ANYWAY AND LADIES TOO COZ ITS TRUE
Why Do Men Die First? : Lib Cracking Humour
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know.
It requires a bit of explanation, first:
- If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race … you’re a male chauvinist.
- If you stay home and do the housework … you’re a pansy.
- If you work too hard … there’s never any time for her.
- If you don’t work enough ….. you’re a good-for-nothing bum.
- If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay … this is exploitation.
- If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ….. you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
- If you get a promotion ahead of her … that is favoritism.
- If she gets a job ahead of you ….. it’s equal opportunity.
- If you mention how nice she looks … it’s sexual harassment. If you keep quiet …… it’s male indifference.
- If you cry … you’re a wimp. If you don’t …… you’re an insensitive bastard.
- If you make a decision without consulting her ……. you’re a chauvinist. If she makes without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.
- If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy … that’s domination. If she asks you … it’s a favour.
- If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear … you’re a pervert. If you don’t … you’re gay.
- If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape … you’re sexist…. If you don’t … you’re unromantic.
- If you try to keep yourself in shape …… you’re vain. If you don’t … you’re a slob.
- If you buy her flowers … you’re after something. If you don’t … you’re not thoughtful.
- If you’re proud of your achievements … you’re full of yourself. If you don’t … you’re not ambitious.
- If she has a headache … she’s tired. If you have a headache …… you don’t love her anymore.
- If you want it too often…. you’re oversexed.. If you don’t … there must be someone else.
Why do men die first?
Because they want to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Men Will Never Learn: Lib Cracking Humour
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It’s a bad one. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; “So, you’re a man. That’s interesting. I’m a woman Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”
The man replied,” I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!
The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
She replies, “Nah. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”
and Adam ate the apple, too! Men will never learn!
Do you know men? Men are like….
Men are like….. Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like….. Commercials. You can’t believe a word they say.
Men are like….. Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like….. Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like….. Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
Men are like….. Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like….. Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don’t generate interest.
Men are like….. Bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY.
Men are like….. Snowstorms. You never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long he will last.
Men are like….. Used Cars. Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
Men are like….. Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like….. Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like….. High heels. They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like….. Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like….. Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Men are like….. Blenders. You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
Men are like….. Cement. After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Men are like….. Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like….. Curling irons. They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.
Men are like….. Lawn Mowers. If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it.
Men are like….. Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like….. Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like….. Mini skirts. If you’re not careful, they’ll creep up your legs.
Men are like….. Noodles. They’re always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Men are like….. Plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like….. Placemats. They only show up when there’s food on the table.